The trip back home didn’t go as planned thanks to Hurricane Gustav. Instead of going back home, I decided to stay here in Austin until the hurricane passed. Trying to go to Houston would have been crazy. From the look of things at that time, there was a mass exodus to Houston and to other parts of Texas as thousands – estimated 2 million – were fleeing from New Orleans and the Louisiana coast ahead of Hurricane Gustav’s expected landfall.

Since Ann Ivins, fellow Scholars and Rogues blogger and friend, and I drove to Denver, we did not depart until Saturday. It was around 11 PM when I made my way into Austin and sometime after midnight for her. I had a great time driving to and from Denver, and I am happy I jumped at this opportunity.

Not sure about Ann, but I had a pleasant time, we never ran into one of those awkward moments of silence or a desire the trip to be over. Through out the trip we chatted with each other as if we had known each other for years. Even though we chatted non-stop, I even had some time to think and reflect while she took a cat nap. I know there are some who feel the need for constant buzz during a long trip because without it, the sounds of silence feels more like being placed in solitary confinement, cut off from the world. Don’t get me wrong, like anybody else, I too crave the need to relate to others, the need to listen and to be heard, to touch and be touched.

However, I also relish those short periods of sounds of silence. Albert Einstein once said: “I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” There is something about driving on the open road looking at the endless skies and the mountainous landscape alone with my thoughts that brings me solace as I can gently cleanse my psyche of the negative junk that has been weighing it down.

On my way to Denver, I took the time to reflect on a couple of emails I sent before I left. One was to a couple of friends asking them for guidance and advice on getting through the week. I expressed to them my fear of being overwhelmed trying to navigate through this complicated maze. As it turns out, as long as I remember to pace myself, what seemed like a maze was an illusion brought on by my own fears of success and caused by my inner demons that were working in overdrive.

When I drove back home, I reflected on the experiences I had, while going over some mental notes I made throughout the week on the personal and professional agendas I had hoped to accomplished while I was in Denver. Some were met and some were not. Looking back, I did alright despite some minor set backs.

When we become so focus on trying to become who we are, it becomes impossible to clear the voice of our internal judge that holds us back. There is a common thread of recognition when bloggers meet and this was so prevalent this past week. I was not only fortunate enough to meet up with my co-bloggers from Scholars and Rogues, but also meet or ran into other bloggers through out the week – Brad Friedman of The Brad Blog, Sara Robinson and David Neiwert of Orcinus, Thomas of HispanicTips, Maegan la Mala of Mamita Mala and VivirLatino, and Kety Esquivel of Cross Left. As for a couple of other bloggers I was hoping to met, well, that didn’t happen. I’ve come to appreciate the friendships I have made through blogging. I have yet to realize precisely the effect all these people have on my life, but, I felt the ripples they have left.

The trick in overcoming this fear is to go into each unfamiliar situation with a view that you have nothing to lose, that it’s entirely your choice to act and react as if the world is one full of possibilities. Being hijacked by your inner demons is more than just a huge productivity drain – in the end, we continue to follow the unconscious mental-emotional patterns that stop us from moving forward.

It is only through self-observation I was able to clear and free my mind and not give into my fears. While it’s okay to feel afraid, however, giving into your fears, it can take a life of it’s own. We allow it capture our soul, disintegrate our spirit, and eat away at our self-esteem until we are incapable of separating the real from the unreal. By not giving into my fears, it turned out to be one of the best experiences I ever had.

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