The Ticking Clock Sounds Louder Now That I Am A Tio
Put forth on December 15, 2008 by XicanoPwr
Posted in Misc
Please excuse the lack of post these past few weeks. Right after Thanksgiving, my little sister (she will always be my little sister) is soon to be a mom. It is funny, I knew she was pregnant but it still did not sink in. Here she is at her baby shower.
It was until I went shopping this past Saturday. I went to the baby section to buy my new born nephew/niece something. The moment I got there, that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. My little sister is no longer little. She is a woman, married with a career. And now, she will be a new mom. Later on today, we will be admitting her to the hospital to prep her for tomorrow’s delivery. This her now.
We often hear about the anxiety experienced by unmarried women as they race against the ‘biological clock.’ We are constantly bombarded with the notion that men have a fear of commitment and seldom do we hear about men having the desire and drive of wanting a family and having children. Do men have biological clocks?
Biologically, men have biological clocks. The difference between men and women; women simply can’t have children after a certain age. However, the biological clock I am talking about is the baby fever metaphor; the desire to have children of one’s own and especially to touch, smell and carry infants. While women talk more about baby fever, men also experience it.
Besides realizing my sister is all grown up, a funny thing happened to me when I was at the baby section of the store. The thought about being single never crossed my mind. It’s not where I want to be, but it’s where I am and if it doesn’t happen for me, I am fine with it. After going through one short-lived failed marriage and several bad relationship, I have come to realization a true relationship is about two individuals who complement one another and not conflict with each other. Relationships are about fostering personal growth so you can be the best you can be in all aspects of your relationship.
Considering the holidays manifests longing to be in a relationship coupled with the fact that I am about to be an uncle, it became evident I too am yearning to find a partner, settle down and get married and start a family. I’ve been alone for much of the last couple of years and honestly, it sucks. Although I am comfortable letting the platitudes roll off my back, but dammit, I deserve to be in love too.
While I was at the store, images of fatherhood would flash through my head. A man’s biological clock is a measure against his ability to play an active part in his children’s upbringing, to retain cultural relevance with his children as they go through adolescence and be there as they enter adulthood. Those urges have always been there, but the older I get, the ticking seems to get louder.
As I headed off to bed, I heard the clock in the guest room wall ticking second after second, seemingly just as my own biological clock, with my inner voice reminding me how it’s time to get a move on because time waits for no one.
But this day is not about me or life’s reflections, it’s about my sister and her husband and welcoming their little bundle of joy into this world.
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Tags: biological clocks, inner voice, relastionships, single life | 
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This is the blog of Edmundo "XicanoPwr" Rocha, a social worker, an activist, freelance writer and founder and editor of The Sanctuary. My interests include: immigration reform, critical race theory and it's interaction with equality/inequality and freedom/oppression as they relate to the experiences of people of color in the Americas.
Para Justicia y Libertad is a Latino-centered political blog focusing on the humanistic perspective of politics, history, and society as they relate to the Latina/o community throughout Texas and the United States.
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It’s funny. Whenever I am in a relationship, that’s when the “awww a baby” thing hits me, like if we’re walking around a mall or park and I see a little family. I go, “awwww.”
When I’m just the single stud-muffin that I am, I get into my “ewwww a baby” mode. Or if I see a little family, I look at the dude and think, “Dude, what were you thinking?”
At this point in my life, I’m nearing 40 and I keep thinking, “Do I want to be nearing retirement as my kid turns 18 and readies for college?”
And I really don’t! But that’s just me. Thankfully, I became a Tio to my one and only nephew at age 15, so I spoiled him enough (and still do), so the “something missing” feeling doesn’t hit me. Then again, I’ve avoided relationships lately, so that might be why, too.
I do wish you luck in your endeavors. : )
I have to say I can relate your blog post. As someone who became a biological father for the first time in his forties, it was not so much out of concern about whether or not I had “enough time left to complete the task,” as it was about wanting to add to the happiness and fulfillment of a relationship.
Counting up the ten tiny fingers and toes forever changed my perspective on life. I’ll never forget how fearful I was driving my son home from the hospital, so fearful I have to laugh at myself for having been so silly.
Parenthood is not for everyone, even some who do become parents give up at some point in the unrelenting task. I’ll tell you what takes a lot of courage, being a step-parent.
Stace – I feel ya. When I start hearing the complaints or the stress of being in a relationship, trust me, the first thing that comes to my mind is the “Thank God I am single” feeling.
I guess when I get closer to 40, I probably get the same feeling, but with the advances in medicine, who knows.
Texano – Agree, it is a wonderful feeling. She still hasn’t delivered yet, but even now, I have been taking more family pictures and yesterday, I enjoyed helping my sister look for the last minute baby items. I hate to see what it will be like once the baby arrives.
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